How to solve the housing crisis: A Modest Proposal

It is frequently said that the solutions to all our problems are there, right in from of our nose, just so long as we are willing to look for it. We are now in a time of great turmoil, and no amount of Bailouts, rescue packages, or other wishful measures will solve our problems. The market is under tremendous pressure right now, but we have no reason to fear!

We all know that the enormous glut of houses on the market today is feeding this crisis. Pouring $700 billion into the upper end of the market is at best, a band-aid fix. This problem was caused by an imbalance in the market, with simply too many houses on the market at once, whether through normal sales or forced sale due to unmanageable mortgages, it doesn’t matter. The imbalance of supply and demand is tearing this economy apart, and the country with it.

But we can act now, on our own, and help to solve this crisis, and with that save America. There is no need to wait for action by politicians who look to Wall street for direction, this problem is hitting Main Street, and Main Street can solve it.  

Here’s How:

I’m calling on all Americans to go out today, stand tall, and burn down a house.

That’s right! We can avert this crisis today by simply reducing the supply of houses available on the market. And all it will cost you is some Gasoline and oily rags! Take the time today, organize, hold an Arson Party! By gathering your family and friends we can be much more efficient, burning hundreds, if not thousands of homes each night! Think how good this will be for the markets, with supply lowered, demand will rise, and values will start climbing again.

There may be some minor issues with this, since the large volumes so smoke and ash can possibly pose an environmental or health threat, but the science is still out on that. But otherwise, what could possibly go wrong?

Act now. This is simple, this is foolproof. This is the way we can work together, to save America now.

We have been told that you have to "burn the village to save it", now we are burning the village to raise it’s property values! What could be more American?

Start today!

(Disclaimer: this is commonly referred to as "sarcasm". Don’t actually burn anything down. Really)