From the Hotel Concierge:
To all our guests and patrons. We deeply appreciate your business, and do hope that your time spent here is as pleasant an experience as possible. We would ask that if you are a fat woman with a near total inability to move under your own power, please do not go down onto the beach when six foot high waves are crashing in. But if you do, please do not attempt to run sideways, allowing the wave to crash into the side of your already weakened knees, snapping it in half. As you writhe in pain on the sand, please try not to flail and crawl about as much as possible, making the damage worse. If this does occur, we will have the paramedicos arrive by small boat, in those same six foot waves, and nearly get pulled under trying to get you assistance. In this event, we have a team of large, pasty white gringos who will help the paramedicos get to you, then they will also assist in carrying you from the beach to the ambulance.
Sadly, you will be mocked mercilessly on their blog.
Thank you again, and don’t forget to get the free breakfast for listening to one of our fascinating presentations.